The Judgment
by Basani
Summary: King Zuko must decide the fate of the world. Well, the fate of a girl actually. And the girl isn't his world or any tosh like that. Anyway, King Zuko must decide the fate of a girl, except that this fate was decided centuries ago! Yes, really.


**Claimer: Yes, I do own Avatar : The Last Airbender and yes, I do profit from this bit of fanfiction. Really.**

**A/N-This story could not have been written without Panda, my trusty, unpaid, overly sarcastic beta. *raises champagne flute filled with vodka* To Panda! **

**Zuko's Judgment**

**Starring:**

Zuko – The King

Katara – The Queen

Iroh – The Uncle

Lady Beifong – The Mother

Jun – The Pimp

Toph – The Baby

King Zuko sighed.

It had been a long day. Thanks to his ancestor, King Solomon the "Wise", he was required to hold one day every month when people of all the Four Fire Nations could go and receive judgment from the King. He had thought it was a good idea. That was, until he saw the kind of rabble that turned up. Once a hooker had asked him to screw her to prove that she was NOT a lousy lover. Obviously, he had declined. Well, not so obviously, considering the reputation of Solomon and his descendants. Moving on.

One case still remained for this day. He glanced at the file. This should be interesting. The case was between Lady Beifong, the fabulously wealthy wife of a major pig supplier and a Miss Jun about- Jun? Since when had the Pimp started coming to legal Courts to solve her 'problems'? Odd. Anyway, about a…MATERNITY CASE? Zuko knew for a fact that two women could not get themselves pregnant. For a child you need a man. End of story. Well, Brother Genitivi claimed that he was perfecting a process by which that could happen, but no one believed him. Technically, it was an open and shut case, but there was a twist to this justice shenanigan.

All cases that had even a passing resemblance to one of Solomon's cases were classified as 'Special Cases'. For these ones, you had to give the same judgment that Solomon had given. This was a lot stupider than it sounded, considering that the 'passing resemblance' part was vague. Very vague. Some of the judgments that Solomon's line had given were of questionable sanity.

Unfortunately, this was very similar to one of Solomon's most famous cases. Knowing the Pimp as he did, (she almost became his aunt) he doubted that she didn't know it. At least that explained why she had chosen to come to this court.

Zuko leaned towards his uncle.

"You have seen the file?"

"Yes, Prin- _King_ Zuko."

Zuko sighed. His uncle never failed to forget that he was King now, not Crown Prince.

"So you know that Jun has returned to the Fire Nation."

"For a maternity case no less."

"As far as I remember, you were the only man to get into her bed."

"Nephew, are you implyi-"

"Just checking. You sure it is not _your_ daughter?"

"Absolutely. Unless she kept my sp-"

"I get the picture," Zuko interrupted. He was really starting to hate Brother Genitivi's research.

"And there she is."

**Jun P.O.V. – 5 Minutes Ago**

I blinked.

The King was _rich_. I knew that, of course, but never appreciated just how rich. Maybe I should return to the Fire Nation. Lot of money to be made here.

Beside me, that stupid rich bitch was whining again.

"UNHAND MY DAUGHTER AND RETURN HER TO ME, PEASANT!"

Okay, maybe whining was the wrong word. Yelling was the word.

"Please, Miss Beifon-"

"MISS? I AM MARRIED TO LORD BEIFONG!"

Sometimes I feel sorry for that poor bastard. Imagine trying to bed _her._ My mind started whirring. If she was like this in bed too, then Lord Beifong could be an excellent customer.

"THAT IS MY DAUGHTER YOU ARE CARRYING! ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY THAT I AM ONE OF YOUR FIRE NATION FLOOZIES, HAVING CHILDREN OUT OF WEDLOCK?"

"No." I interjected. "That is _my _daughter."

"YOU TWO-BIT LYING PEASANT WHORE!"

And if she was this way in bed, no doubt she would be sexually frustrated. Which man would bed a fat screeching hippo-ox? Maybe she could be a customer too…

"Please ladies," the harassed Guardsman begged, "We are here."

"So we are." I said.

The Guard shuffled in carrying the sleeping baby, looking harassed.

The Pimp glided in, looking bored.

The Lady barged in, looking like a constipated bull-moose in heat.

"So," started Iroh, "We have gathered here today to hear the case of Lady Beifong vs. Jun, over the custody of Toph Beifong."

"HER NAME IS LILY!" screeched Lady Beifong.

"We shall be calling her Toph Beifong for the duration of the case so that we do not show any preference toward either one of the claimants."

"Fine with me." said Jun.

Lady Beifong's face turned red.

"So, let us start the hearing," started Iroh hurriedly, seeing Lady Beifong.

"I'll start with you, Lady Beifong." said Zuko.

**Jun P.O.V.**

"My daughter, Lily Beifong was born a month ago. My lord, one day I stepped out to the garden to watch my panda-lilies with my little Lily. I set her down on a bench, and by the time I turned around, she was gone! After a few days of frantic searching, one of my men told me that this whore had been seen with a baby. AND THE CHILD SHE HAD WAS MY LILY! So I went to her and demanded that she give my Lily back! That whore insisted that the case be tried in her homeland!" bellowed the pig, acting like a Lady Beifong. Oh wait, that's not right…

Sadly, that was almost exactly what had happened. The only difference being the 'demanded she give my Lily back' part. That the Lady Beifong would deign to get off her fat arse was laughable enough, without adding that she actually left her house. The Lady Beifong had told her men to destroy my… store. Luckily, all of them were frequent customers and refused to do so. Especially when I offered them a... flower on the house each. Gold may be gold, but men love… flowers.

"Jun?." commanded the young King.

"I gave birth to Toph 27 days ago." I stated, completely accurately. Except for the 'to me' part. My bad.

"When the Lady Beifong saw my beautiful daughter, she ordered her mercenaries to kidnap her. I managed to escape to a Guardhouse, and they transported me to the Fire Nation and suggested I seek justice from you, my Lord." I continued, lying through my teeth. "So here I am, Your Majesty. For Justice and for my baby."

'For Justice and for my baby?' If this hadn't been so important to me, I would have burst out laughing right there. The King's Guard seemed to be facing the same difficulty, especially their young Water Tribe commander. But it should work.

Zuko sighed. All this questioning was a mere formality. He had to follow Solomon's exact procedure now. He was not looking forward to this.

Steeling his nerves, he stated, "I have come to a decision."

"It is… that the baby will be cut in half and shared equally among both of you!"

All jaws dropped. The baby started crying. Jun started to wobble.

**Jun P.O.V.**

This could not be happening! I had spent so much time and so much effort to get Toph! She would have been my perfect replacement, especially if she had inherited her father's Beifong sense of business! This was NOT how everything was supposed to work out. I wobbled. Yes, I twitch when I'm frustrated. The young Commander gave me a concerned look like he thought I was about to faint or something. Moron.

Wait. I recalled the details of the judgment that THIS judgment was based on. Brilliant! This case could yet be won.

I swayed a bit more, now I had everyone's attention. I rolled my eyes dramatically and collapsed.

Ouch. Rethink swooning dramatically next time. I lay there impatiently, feeling more than slightly bruised, resisting the urge to twitch. Why are rich people always so slow to react?

_Slap! Slap! _Finally, though a gentler awakening would've been appreciated.

I made a show of coming to life. The General knelt beside me.

"Jun? Jun, are you alright?" the old man said, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Giverdebabi…" I tried to sound woozy, wasn't hard considering the bump I felt swelling at the back of my head.

"What?"

"Giverdebabi!" I tried to yell, pretending to be frustrated with my vocal chords' incompetence.

"What?"

"GIVE HER THE BABY! I'D PREFER THAT SHE HAD TOPH THAN TOPH BE KILLED!" I screamed. Aaah, that was better.

"Uh-okay." replied Iroh weakly.

**Narrator P.O.V**

Zuko signed the document.

"Thus, by my decree, this baby, Toph, is not the child of Lady Beifong, but of Jun." he stated. Sometimes he really hated Solomon. But then again, Jun _had_ fainted when he suggested that the baby be cut. But who could the father be? Sighing mentally, he pushed it to the back of his mind. He had delivered injustice before, and would deliver it again.

Jun smirked.

Lady Beifong tried to faint, but failed.

Iroh looked relieved that the day was finally over.

Zuko looked pensive.

The Guard looked like he wanted a wee.

**I'd say that I hoped you liked it, but why would I have posted it if I didn't hope that you'd like it, eh?**

**Here we go,**

**ZarosKnight**


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